Toxic Relationships and Ill Health - is there a link?

Is there a Link Between Toxic Relationships and Chronic Illness.

We know that emotional stress can impact mental health, but what if it’s also the root of many chronic physical illnesses?

I see it all the time in my practice.

Teachers who crash during the school holidays.

Busy professionals who keep going until serious illness stops them in their tracks.

There’s growing evidence that long-term emotional stress, particularly from childhood trauma and toxic relationships, plays a huge role in the development of chronic health conditions. For many women, especially those navigating emotionally abusive relationships or recovering from high-conflict separations, the connection between past and present health challenges is not just a coincidence. See my blog post on how early childhood trauma impacts on future relationships.

The ACE Study: Childhood Trauma and Adult Disease

The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study, conducted by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) and Kaiser Permanente, is one of the most influential studies linking early emotional trauma to long-term health.

The study assessed over 17,000 adults, looking at 10 categories of childhood trauma, including:

• Emotional and physical abuse

• Neglect

• Domestic violence

• Substance abuse in the home

• Parental separation or divorce

And the results were horrifying:

• 67% of participants had experienced at least one ACE.

• 1 in 8 had four or more.

• The higher your ACE score, the higher your risk of developing:
  

-         Autoimmune diseases such as lichen sclerosus, lupus, rheumatoid arthritis, fibromyalgia, and thyroid disorders

-            Chronic fatigue

-            Irritable bowel syndrome

-            Depression and anxiety

-            Heart disease

-            Cancer

What Is a Toxic Relationship?

A toxic relationship creates an environment of emotional instability, fear, or psychological harm. This might include:

• Emotional abuse (e.g. gaslighting, criticism, silent treatment)

• Chronic stress or conflict

• Control or coercion

• A lack of emotional safety or support

While some toxic relationships begin in adulthood, many patterns are rooted in childhood experiences, and as above studies show that early trauma has a long-lasting effect on the body.

How Stress Impacts the Body

Whether stress comes from childhood or adult relationships, the body responds the same way:

1. Hypervigilance: The nervous system stays in “survival mode”—fight, flight, or freeze.

2. Cortisol Overload: Constant stress floods the body with cortisol, which disrupts sleep, digestion, hormones, and immune response.

3. Inflammation: Over time, stress-induced inflammation damages tissues and contributes to chronic disease.

4. Autoimmune Triggers: The immune system can become dysregulated, mistaking the body’s own tissues for invaders and attacking them.

The body literally keeps the score! And says no! (2 amazing books!)

This is why many women develop autoimmune diseases after years of emotional trauma, gaslighting, or toxic family dynamics. The body has quite literally had enough.

If you’re living with chronic illness and have a history of toxic relationships or emotional trauma, you’re not imagining the link. Your body is telling the story of what you’ve endured.

Understanding the connection between emotional safety and physical health is the first step to overcoming health issues. Healing requires addressing both the nervous system and the emotional wounds that contribute to chronic stress.

This is why I do what I do! By addressing the underlying trauma and helping women to manage the toxic relationships around them, then their health issues can be more manageable.

I support women to manage the toxic or controlling people around them (not just intimate partners but also parents, siblings and colleagues/friends) and to heal mentally, physically and emotionally.